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Riley, James Whitcomb, 1849-1916

"Pipes O'Pan at Zekesbury"

"Says he doesn't know a duck from a
poll-parrot--nor how to load a shotgun--and couldn't hit a house if he
were inside of it and the door shut. Admits that he nearly killed his
uncle once, on the other side of a tree, with a squirrel runnin' down
it. Don't want him along!"
Reaching the street with the genial Major, he gave me this advice:
"Now, when you meet Tommy, you mustn't take all he says for dead
earnest, and you mustn't believe, because he talks loud, and in
italics every other word, that he wants to do all the talking and
won't be interfered with. That's the way he's apt to strike folks at
first--but it's their mistake, not his. Talk back to him--controvert
him whenever he's aggressive in the utterance of his opinions, and if
you're only honest in the announcement of your own ideas and beliefs,
he'll like you all the better for standing by them. He's
quick-tempered, and perhaps a trifle sensitive, so share your greater
patience with him, and he'll pay you back by fighting for you at the
drop of the hat. In short, he's as nearly typical of his gallant
country's brave, impetuous, fun-loving individuality as such a
likeness can exist."
"But is he quarrelsome?" I asked.


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