She must have an agreeable time with so many friends. She
said something which sounds so true in one of our talks, and I thought of
it then.
"It is wiser to marry the life you like, because after a little the man
doesn't matter." She has evidently done that, but I wish it could be
possible to have both--the man and the life. Well! Well!
One has to sit rather close on those sofas, and as Lord Robert was not the
host, he was put by me. The other two at a right-angle to us.
I felt exquisitely gay--in spite of having an almost high black dress on
and not even any violets.
It was dreadfully difficult not to speak nicely to my neighbor, his
directness and simplicity are so engaging, but I did try hard to
concentrate myself on Christopher and leave him alone, only--I don't know
why--the sense of his being so near me made me feel, I don't quite know
what. However, I hardly spoke to him--Lady Ver shall never say I did not
play fair--though, insensibly, even she herself drew me into a friendly
conversation, and then Lord Robert looked like a happy school-boy.
We had a delightful time.
Mr. Carruthers is a perfect host. He has all the smooth and exquisite
manners of the old diplomats, without their false teeth and things. I wish
I were in love with him, or even I wish something inside me would only let
me feel it was my duty to marry him; but it jumps up at me every time I
want to talk to myself about it, and says, "Absolutely impossible.
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